My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

Note: This is a bit different from my usual posts because it is part of a class assignment!

My Heart and Other Black Holes is Jasmine Warga’s 2015 debut novel about two teenagers who make a suicide pact on a website for just that, choosing each other because of they live in neighboring towns. Aysel, the narrator, wants to die because she has depression and feels distant from her family, alienated by her community because they fear she’ll be like her father, who killed the town’s pride Olympic-bound teenage track star. Her partner is Roman, who wants to die because he feels responsible for his younger sister’s death and does not deserve to live.

This novel definitely comes with a plethora of trigger warnings in regard to suicidal thoughts. Aysel’s narration has the dark, snarky humor that’s often found with depressed teens (though it did feel familiar to me from reading various YA novels), but that means that dying is tossed around so lightly it’s a very heavy read. (Though I was disappointed she resorted to a negative throwaway line about cheerleaders, and OCD was used as an adjective to describe orderly behavior. Pet peeves of mine.)

The setting of small Kentucky towns was well-realized and specific. I enjoyed how Aysel saw the world through her interest in physics, as well as her reference to the “black slug” in her gut that represented depression. It also did a good job of portraying depression and addressing the potential permanent, genetic aspect of it. However, this book’s premise does walk a very fine and dangerous line that I’m not sure ever resolved (some spoilers ahead). As the synopsis and tagline of the book indicates, Aysel and Roman develop feelings to each other that make Aysel begin to question their pact to see what might happen with them. This is definitely the spark that turns the tables for her, and it’s a dangerous premise because you should never base your reason for living on one person and love–you can’t rely on that. But the book redeemed itself a bit by having her talk to her mother and want to pursue other interests in her life outside of Roman, so she had more to live for. Still, it’s impossible to divorce Aysel’s change in perception from her feelings from Roman, and that’s evident in the packaging of the book.

Links Aysel might visit (not including anything suicidal, for safety reasons):

• Physics.org
• Classical music radio station
• Web M.D.: Depression
• Depression and Genetics
• Helping someone who might be suicidal

Video: Book Trailer